Friday, November 25, 2022

20 Years Of Adjustment

The Yerushalmi Bikkurim (3:3, 11b in the Vilna edition for those that didn't decide to change the pagination to fit their needs,) derives from Esav's marriage to מחלת from the word מחול that a chatan's sins are forgiven (see Torah Temima's explanation of the derash.)  The Midrash says Esav was מגייר and therefore obtained forgiveness.  The Mahari Basan (Lalchmay Todah siman 5) cited by Gilyonai Hashas Shabbat (89b) says that just as there is no punishment from shamayim until a person is 20 years old, so too a chatan who is likened to a ger who is likened to a newborn child, is given a 20-year pass from the time one gets married.  This is quite incredulous to say one can get married and have a 20-year pass.  Nonetheless, it could be that is what he holds.

In light of the opinion of the Gra about punishments from shamayim under 20 it is maybe more understandable.  The Gra (Even Shlema 10:26) says punishment isn't meted out until 20 years but from 20, one is held accountable for what they did in the past.  In other words, it takes 20 years for a person to develop enough to realize the errors of their past and they are expected to do teshuva during that time.  if one doesn't repent, then they're held culpable retroactively.  So too, says the Mari Basan, it takes 20 years for a person to fully adjust to one's new married life and therefore one is given 20 years to fix the problems that he causes in that timeframe.  We see that it takes 20 years to adjust to being married, ודו"ק.

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