Thursday, November 26, 2020

The Art of Gratitude

An article of Rabbi Y.Y. Jacobson 

It is a perplexing response in this week’s Torah portion, Vayeitzei. Rachel, who has been childless for many years, gives birth. In the words of the Torah: “And she conceived and bore a son, and she said, "God has taken away my shame."  What type of shame was she referring to? What shame is there in infertility, which is not her fault? Sarah and Rebecca were also barren, but we never hear that they were ashamed. In the world of Torah, there is no room for shame for a condition you never caused. Pain, anguish, or jealousy are sentiments we can appreciate, but why shame?

Rashi presents the astounding and disturbing answer in the Midrash: The Aggadah (Midrash Rabbah 73:5) explains it: As long as a woman has no child, she has no one to blame for her faults. As soon as she has a child, she blames him. “Who broke this dish? Your child!” “Who ate these figs? Your child!”Rachel was previously ashamed because she had nobody to blame for any errors, oversights, or flaws. The food was burnt? Rachel must be a lousy cook. The keys to the car are lost? Rachel is irresponsible. Rachel is in a bad mood? She is impulsive and irrational. A plate breaks? She is a shlimazal. The couch is dirty? She is a lazy couch potato. The home is unkempt? Rachel just can’t get it together. Ah, but now, with the birth of Joseph, the shame is gone. The food burnt because the baby ran a fever, and she had to rush him to the doctor. The keys to the car lost? The baby got a hold of them and cast them in the dustbin. The plate broke? The baby dropped it. The couch is dirty? The baby decided to have his ice cream on the couch. The house is a mess? Of course, the baby is at fault.  So, if I am understanding this correctly, that is why Rachel who was childless for 13 years wanted a baby—not for the incredible experience of creating a life, not for the infinite joy of having a child,  not for the happiness that comes with the singular mother-child relationship—all of this was not the motivating factor. Why did Rachel want a child? So that she has somebody to blame for getting the turkey and cranberry sauce all over the floor?!  Absurd or what? Our mother Rachel, barren and infertile, was yearning for a child—to the point of her telling Jacob: “If I don’t have children I am dead”—So that she blame all her mistakes on her child?  What is more, this seems so dishonest. If Rachel did not really make errors like breaking dishes and eating up figs, she would have not been ashamed to begin with. If she did, and she was constantly getting embarrassed, what exactly was her comfort now? That when she breaks a china plate she will lie and say that her child did it?  What is even more disturbing is that she names her baby “Yosef,” which means removed, to celebrate the fact that now her shame has been “removed” (asaf). You are giving your child whom you waited for so many years a name which represents your newfound ability now to blame him for your mistakes?!  How can we make sense of this perplexing Midrash?

Of course, we need to dig deeper to uncover the gems contained here. In essence, Rachel was teaching us one of the primary secrets to live a life of gratitude. In all our lives there is a gap between what we have, and what we want. No one gets everything. And even when we are given blessings, the “package” comes with “fine print” you may have not realized in the beginning. Human nature is to focus on that which we are missing, while forgetting that which we have. We take our blessings for granted and we obsess about the missing pieces.  Rachel knew about the human proclivity to focus on the negative instead of the positive, and that even after you experienced an extraordinary gift, after a while you take it for granted and begin kvetching about the imperfections. To counterbalance this human recipe for misery, she exclaimed, “G-d has removed my shame,” to remind herself of the idea that she must attribute the things going wrong to her child. When your child breaks the dish or eats the figs, remember that the only reason you have this problem is because you were blessed with a child. When your child breaks something or eats up the fresh food you made for the guests, attribute the problem to your child, to the miracle and blessing of having a child.  You can say: Oy, my child MADE A MESS. Or you can say: Thank G-d, MY CHILD made a mess. Same words, but with a different emphasis.It is the Jewish custom that when a glass breaks, we shout: Mazal Tov! When the groom breaks the glass under the chuppah, we exclaim Mazal Tov! Why don’t we say: Oy, 10 dollars down the drain? This is Rachel’s gift: When the plate breaks, be grateful. It means you have a home; you own dishes. When your husband breaks something, say: Mazal Tov! Thank goodness, I married a human being, not an angel.

With the hunch of a mother, Rachel decided to immortalize this message in the name of her child, Yosef, meaning “G-d removed my shame.” This became the secret of Joseph’s success.  Joseph endured enormous pain and suffering. His brothers despised him, they sold him into slavery, he was accused of promiscuity, and thrown into a dungeon for twelve years. And yet throughout his entire life, Joseph never lost his joy, grace, passion for life, love for people, ambition to succeed, and his ability to forgive. Joseph comes across as one of the most integrated, wholesome, cheerful, loveable persons in the entire Tanach. With a life story like his, we would expect him to be bitter, cynical, resentful, angry, stone-like, and harsh. “A rock feels no pain and an island never cries,” yet Joseph weeps more than everyone in the Bible.

How did he do this? This, perhaps, was his mother’s gift. Though she died when he was nine years of age, she infused him with perspective on how to live: Every challenge can only exist because it has a blessing as its backdrop. I feel pain? But that means I am alive, and I have feelings. It also means that there is something new I must discover about myself and the world. I am hurt, but that means that I I am sensitive, and I can be here for people. I have a conflict with my spouse? That means that I am blessed to have a soul partner who cares for me, and that we have an opportunity to create a deeper relationship. My children challenge me? That means I have children whom I love, and I am given an opportunity to dig deeper and find the light beyond the darkness.

When your husband comes home late from work, instead of thinking: He is so irresponsible and unreliable, you can choose to say: Thank G-d I have a husband, who loves me and cares for me, and he has a job he loves, and works hard. (Sure, speak to him about coming him on time, but choose what you will focus on). When your mother or father call you for help, instead of saying to yourself: Oy, my entire life must revolve around her needs, say instead: Thank G-d I have parents.  When you come into the office and you experience overload, with 90 emails to respond to, six different options for future growth, tell yourself: Thank G-d I have a job, I have six different options, I have so much to do, I am busy and productive, and I am driven.  When your wife rebukes you for your mistakes, instead of thinking, why do I need someone who criticized me? Say to yourself: I am so grateful to I have a wife who cares about me so deeply.  When your kids or grandkids make a “balagan” in your home and turn the place upside down, don’t zoom in exclusively on the mess; rather focus on the fact that you have children and grandchildren who are filled with good spirit.  When your car breaks down and you must get it towed, instead of cursing your lot, say to yourself: I own a car. That puts me in the one percent bracket superior to most humans on this planet.

Chassidim tell a story about the holy Reb Zusha of Anipoli. When he was a child, he often went hungry. But he was always thankful. Once, when he was really hungry, someone overheard him talking to G-d. This is what he said: G-d, I want to thank you so much for giving me an appetite!  Even the hunger he experienced as something that can exist only in the context of a blessing. G-d gave me an appetite.

Above The Norm

Yaakov learns for 14 years before traveling out to חרן.  Then he travels sees in the place of the mikdash, how does it make sense that after the preparation of 14 years of learning without sleep he sleeps in the place of the mikdash?  The 14 years of learning represent suppressing the 7 bad traits and refining the 7 good traits (Emrei Yosef.)  That was the most completion Yaakov could reach.  When a person sleeps the normal levels of the brain's capabilities are limited.  When sleeping usually one lays down in a manner where the head is on the same level as one's legs.  There is no advantage of the brain being used.  It is in sleep that one can access a level above the normal capacities that a person can reach.  That is why it was important for Yaakov to sleep in such a holy place, in order to access  a level that cannot be obtained even through complete self perfection.  The Shem M'Shmuel (5681) says that  Yaakov took a neder, נ' דר to tap into the 'שער נ above the normal order of the world to remove any issue of שמא יגרום החטא.  In order to be ready for חרן אף של מקום one needs to be tapped into a level above the natural order.   

Friday, November 20, 2020

Yeshivas Esev

Rav Yitzchak Isaac Sher:





It comes out according to the picture he is painting that Esev was also a Rosh Yeshiva.  The difference between Esev and Yaakov was if they had a desire and were striving to constantly grow.
In the Divrei Siach it brings that the Chazon Eish did not like turning Esev into such a great talmud chacham.

Thursday, November 19, 2020

Yaakov In Disguise

Yaakov receives his name because he was grabbing onto Esev's heel.  Why is that a significant fact to name after, how does that accurately describe Yaakov? Everyone asks why did Yitzchok want to give the blessings to Esev? 

The Sefer Hachaim (Maharal's brother) in Geulah Ch. 8 explains that had Yitzchok given the berachot to Yaakov directly, then the berachot would have been shared with the future generations only if they are acting like Yaakov.  Therefore, Hashem designed the plan that Yitzchok should intent to give the berachot to Esev so that the berachot will always be given to the future generations for they are no worse then Esev.  The Rim says that is why Yaakov had to receive the berachot wearing the clothes of Esev.  This demonstrates that even if a Jew looks like Esev, they will still merit the berachot.  The Sfas Emes adds even if the ידים are ידי עשו, the קול that emanates from the ויפח באפיו is still קול יעקב.  The Yismoch Yisroel says that is what it means  'ראה ריח בני כריח שדה אשר ברכו ה.  Just as if one is in a nice smelling garden, even if some fertilizer is added, the bad smell is temporary, but does not ruin the innate smell of the field, so too the soul of the Jew may be tainted by some bad smells, but the sweet smell of the soul is never ruined.  That is why Yaakov is named after grapping Esev's heel.  This means that even one who has fallen into the traps of Esev has a little Yaakov pulling them back.  Yaakov didn't need the berachot for his own merit, it the guarantee that a little Yaakov will remain inside every Jew.

A Letz

 Rashi at the beginning of the parsha says אברהם הוליד את יצחק. לפי שהיו ליצני הדור אומרים: מאבימלך נתעברה שרה, שהרי כמה שנים שהתה עם אברהם ולא נתעברה הימנו. מה עשה הקב״ה, צר קלסתר פניו דומה לאברהם, כדי שיאמרו הכל: אברהם הוליד את יצחק. וזהו שכתוב כאן: יצחק בן אברהם היה, שהרי עדות יש שאברהם הוליד את יצחק.

Why are these people called latzim, call them rishaim because they deny the miracle?  The Briskor Rav:




They acknowledged a miracle, but missed the point. The point of a miracle is the conclusion, not to marvel at the miracle.

Monday, November 16, 2020

Gentile's Rights

 Rashi (24:57) ונשאלה פיה – שאין משיאין אשה אלא לדעתה.  The Maharal asks but he was going to whisk her away even when her father was alive?  He answers  ואין זה קשיא, דבתואל גוי היה, ואין זכות לגוי בבתו לקדשה, ורבקה גיורת הואי, ויתומה.  We see the Maharal holds that a gentile father does not have any rights over the marriage of his daughter.  Rav Yosef Engel also assumes the fathers' right over the marriage of his daughter is a unique chiddush said to a yisroel.  However, he suggests that possibly even a gentile can marry of their daughter because we assume she will want her father's marriage, the possuk of אֶת בִּתִּי נָתַתִּי לָאִישׁ הַזֶּה  that tells us the din by a yisroel is to add that she can not object even when she grows up.  With this idea he explains a Rashi.  The Gemorah in Kiddushin (61b) asks בשלמא לר' מאיר היינו דכתיב (בראשית כד, מא) אז תנקה מאלתי אלא לרבי חנינא בן גמליאל למה לי. "The Gemara asks another question: Granted, according to the opinion of Rabbi Meir, this is the reason that it is written, with regard to Abraham’s instruction to Eliezer to bring a wife for Isaac: “Then you shall be clear from my oath…if they will not give her to you” (Genesis 24:41). However, according to the opinion of Rabbi Ḥanina ben Gamliel, why do I need this addition? The positive formulation of the oath already indicates the negative."  The Gemorah answers איצטריך סלקא דעתך אמינא היכא דניחא לה לדידה ולא ניחא ליה לדידהו מייתי בעל כרחייהו קא משמע לן.  Rashi says the לדידהו is לקרובים.  Why do the relatives have a say?  Rav Yosef Engel says since they don't want it it removes the assumption that she would have wanted the marriage because even her relatives don't want the marriage.   

It is possible that if the din of a father's control over his daughters marriage would apply to a gentile depends on the machlokes Rishonim as to how to understand this din.  The Ritva in Kiddushin 3b says the father has ownership over his daughter and hence can marry her off.  However, it seems that Rashi there and 5b in Kiddushin disagrees and holds that the father is merely granted rights of being able to "sell" her into marriage, but he doesn't actually own her.  Rashi in Ketubot (47a) says we know the father can do nissuin for his daughter as well because it says את בתי נתתי and נתתי included all forms of giving over.  Tosfos asks why do we have to derive it from the possuk, just learn it out from kiddushin?  The Shitah answers that we don't learn out monetary issues from issur.  Tosfos couldn't answer that because he holds the law of kiddushin is also a monetary law, that the father owns his daughter.  According to the approach of Rashi this would be a chiddush din only by a yisroel but one could argue according to Tosfos that understands the Torah is teaching us a law of ownership, that law applies to gentiles as well for they also own things.  However, it is possible this is a new type of ownership only applicable to a yisroel.   

Sunday, November 15, 2020

A Heartless Prayer

 אין שיחה אלא תפלה.  So why is it not included on the list of the 10 expressions of prayer (midrash beginning of Vaeschana)?  Chazal prove שיחה means tefillah from the possuk תפלה לעני כי יעטף ולפני ה' ישפוך שיחו Tehillim (102:1.)  אין עני אלא בדעת.  The עני does not feel he is worthy to pray, he is in a state of מוחין דקטנות, he is in the שדה, working outside, not in prayer mode.  The most the person can muster is a שיחה, a talking where the mouth is moving but the heart is not there.  The שיחה is not counted as an expression of prayer because it does not even make it to the bottom rung of the ladder of prayer.  As Rebbe Nechman says (Histapchus Hanefesh #2) sometimes a person is so far removed he can't even open his mouth to pray, yet that itself should arouse a person to discuss this with himself and that itself will be his prayer, that Hashem will allow him to pray.  Yet, the fact that a person impromptu is willing to pray to Hashem is itself sometimes the greatest prayer (based upon shmuz from Rabbi Elefant with a different twist.)  By turning to Hashem even though one does not feel like are u pto the ask, it awakens their doormat soul to connect to Hashem.  The word שיח also means growth like שיח השדה.  As Rav Kook explains שיחה, תקרא התפילה בשם משתתף עם צמחים ואילנות, שנקראו שיחים על שם הפרחת הנפש בכוחות חדשים, המסתעפים באופן טבעי ע"י רגשות הנפש בעבודה שבלב. וזה המעמד ראוי ביותר לעת מנחת ערב, שהאדם קרוב להסיר מעליו הטרדות הזמניות, אז תוכל נפשו להתרומם בטבעה, ורגשי קודש הטבעיים האצורים בתוכה לדבקה באלהים חיים ולהתגבר באהבתו ויראתו הטהורה, יוסיפו פרי תנובה וישלחו בדים ופארות, להיות כדמות אילן רב ואחד השיחים. וההפרחה הטבעית הזאת מיושר הנפש היא שורש להנהגת הדין למי שנוטה מנתיב יושר של ארחות חיים, כי מרת הדין היא ביחוד מדוקדקת בכל דבר שיש לה חק טבעי, שהמשנה דרכה ונוטה מנתיבה יקבל עונש מוטבע. והיא מדתו של יצחק, כדכתיב קראי "ופחד יצחק הי' לי". וכדאמרי רבנן ברב ביאור. ע"כ יאתה שם "שיחה" לתפילת המנחה.   By praying when one does not feel in it, it will bring forth their soul to sprout forth.  

The Meor Einayim Ki Sesa brings from the Besht: והנה אמר מורי הבעש״ט נשמתו בגנזי מרומים תפלה לעני כי יעטוף ולפני ה׳ ישפוך שיחו (תהלים ק״ב, א׳) על דרך משל שהמלך ביום שמחתו הכריז שכל מי שצריך דבר אל המלך כל מה שחסר לו איזה דבר ינתן לו מגנזי המלך והנה נקבצו ובאו כל איש ואיש זה שואל מחסורו וזה שואל מתנות אבנים טובות וכדומה לכולם צוה על ידי שלוחיו להנתן מבית גנזי המלך והנה איש אחד חכם ועני ולא שאל שום דבר רק שיניחו אותו לדבר בכל יום ויום עם המלך בעצמו ועל ידי זה כל טוב לא יחסר לו כי כלום חסר מבית המלך אמנם אותן האנשים קבלו על ידי שליח והשליח של המלך יש לו גבו על תפקידו ולא יכול להוסיף דבר משאל כן המלך בעצמו אין קצה לאוצרותיו והכל בידו וכן האדם העובד בבחינה זו דהיינו שכל בקשתו וחפצו רק שיניחו אותו לדבר עם המלך אזי כל טוב אדוניו בידו וזהו תפלה לעני רצה לומר התפלה שהיא ענייה שאינו מבקש דבר והיא עוטפות כל התפלות ומפרש הוא שמתפלל שלפני ה׳ ישפוך שיחו שידבר עם המלך בעצמו זו כל מגמתו ונמצא זה דבוק בבעל הרצון יתברך שמו כמבואר למעלה.  It is the עני who comes with nothing and is ill prepared to ask for anything whose prayer is the best.  It is the עני whose ife is so hard they can only come forth with a שיחה whoe's prayer is desired.  (Similar idea cited in Toldot Yaakov Yosef Vaeschanan with a lightly different interpretation of the verse.) 

מענין לענין, the Alexander Rebbe (חשבה לטובה) brings:



 

Thursday, November 12, 2020

A Well And A Conversation

Why do we have 4 אמהות but only 3 אבות?  Why is the principle of יפה שיתחתן של עבדי אבות learnt from a conversation regarding the marriage of Yitzchak and Rivka?  The midrash points out that Yitzchak, Yaakov and Moshe all found their soul mate by a well.  What is the connection between a well, a באר and finding a שידוך? 

The number four represents the completion of the physical world.  The number three is full unit when dealing with spiritual energy (see Shabbat 88a.)  The Maharal often writes that woman are חומר and men are צורה.   In the words of the Kabbalists, men are חכמה and women are בינה.  It is the same idea.  Men provide the אור, they are in the abstract world but it has no form, no כלי for the ideas to settle in.  That is where the woman come in.  They take the ideas and work out the details, work out the כלי and give it solid ground. What this may mean is that the men the basic structure, the woman builds the foundation.  The man is in charge of decided the abstract ideas.   It is a similar idea, men are focused on the idea in its abstract form, women are detail focused, how it will work out in the practical life. 

רבי אליעזר בן הורקנוס, בור סוד שאינו מאבד טפה. ורבי אלעזר בן ערך, כמעין המתגבר.  Rashi in Ke Sesa (31: 3) says בְּחָכְמָה – מַה שֶּׁאָדָם שׁוֹמֵעַ דְּבָרִים מֵאֲחֵרִים וְלָמֵד.וּבִתְבוּנָה – מֵבִין דָּבָר מִלִּבּוֹ מִתּוֹךְ דְּבָרִים שֶׁלָּמַד.  The בור  represents חכמה and the מעין  represents בינה.  The combination of both of them is the באר.  It holds water and produces more.  That is why the combination of both of these, the שידוך, takes place at a באר (see Beis Yishai derashot #41.) 

יפה שיתחתן של עבדי אבות.  The Gemorah in Sukkah (21b) says אמר רב אחא בר אדא אמר רב המנונא אמר רב: מנין שאפילו שיחת תלמידי חכמים צריכה לימוד - שנאמר ועלהו לא יבול".  The reason is that גדול שימושה של תורה יותר מלימודה (Berachot 7b.)  The practical application of the תורת האבות gives more direction than the actual study itself.  That is why this principal is taught specifically in the process of finding the wife for Yitzchok.  Because it is the שיחת האבות that is most recognizable is the אמהות.  That is why this principal of יפה שיתחתן של עבדי אבות is learnt from Eliezer's find of Rivka.  

The אמהות relationship with Hashem was always that of שיחה.  As it says in Likutay Sichos volume 31 Yisro, דהנה אנו רואים שאצל נשים יש יותר בגילוי אמונה בה' ויראת ה', שאף שהטעם לזה בגלוי הוא לפי "שאין שכלם חזק כל כך (שלכן) קרובים (יותר) לקבל באמונה (פשוטה) ועושות בלי חקירה", הרי שורש הענין הוא לפי שמאירה אצלם האמונה כפי שהוא מצד הקב"ה.  They are naturally "more connected" and can have a שיחה with Hashem.  That is what it means that tefillah is a שיחה.  The Gemorah Berachot (26b) says ויצא יצחק לשוח בשדה means he went to pray, יצחק תקן תפלת מנחה שנאמר (בראשית כד, סג) ויצא יצחק לשוח בשדה לפנות ערב ואין שיחה אלא תפלה שנאמר (תהלים קב, א) תפלה לעני כי יעטף ולפני ה' ישפוך שיחו.  Why is prayer called שיחה, a conversation?  Steisaltz ז"צל writes ולעומת גישה זו, קיימת גישה אחרת, שונה במידה רבה כל כך. "אין שיחה אלא תפילה". כאן מובנת התפילה לא ביחס ערטילאי בין אדם וקונו; כאן היחס בין האדם לבין קונו הוא לבבי ואישי "אין שיחה אלא תפילה" ואין התפילה אלא שיחה, השתפכות נפשו של האדם, כפי שמביאה הגמרא "תפילה לעני כי יעטוף, ולפני ה' ישפוך שיחו" (תהילים ק"ב). כלומר, משיח האדם את לבו לפני אלוקיו. אלוקיו, מתגלה עתה לא בדמות האלוקות הפילוסופית, הכוח העליון הנשגב של מעלה, אלא כאב הרחום, הקרוב תמיד, שהאדם משוחח עמו, שהוא מנסה להתקרב אליו, ושהוא רוצה גם לשמוע תשובתו. "אין שיחה אלא תפילה"- והשיחה היא יחס כפול של שאלה ותשובה. התפילה היא הדו שיח הנצחי שבין האדם לקונו- תפילה של שיחה.  The prayer of a conversation is a way in which approaches prayer.  One approaches G-d with a conversation, as a close friend that one can converse with.  That is the approach of יפה שיחתן, of the אמהות. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Forget The Rain

The Rambam Tefillah (10:9) rules if one forgot to say ותן טל ומתר and they already passed שומע תפילה then they must go back to ברכת השנים.  However, Rav Hai Gaon cited in Rashba  Berachot (29a) rules that one goes back to say it in שומע תפילה.  The question on the Rambam is that the Yerushalmi Taanis (2a-b) is explicit like Rav Hai (see Tosfos Berachot 29b)?  We can understand the law of mentioning ותן טל ומתר two ways.  One way that Chazal instituted initially to ask for rain in ברכת השנים but if it wasn't mentioned then, you ask in שומע תפילה, it is part of the takanah of Chazal.  The other way is that the takanah is only to ask in ברכת השנים, the reason it can be added in שומע תפילה is because it is no different than any other request that can be asked for in שומע תפילה.  Rav Hutner says this is the machlokes between the Bavli and Yerushalmi that Tosfos Berachot points out.  The Yerushalmi holds for גבורת גשמים, משיב הרוח you can also mention it in שומע תפילה.  Mentioning משיב הרוח is not a request, it is a שבח.  So it must be the Yerushalmi holds that Chazal enacted that you can mention rain in שומע תפילה, therefore it says if you forgot ותן טל ומתר, you go back to that beracha.  The Bavli on the other hand holds if משיב הרוח is forgotten you go back to the beginnig of Shemonei Esrai because the Bavli holds mentioning in שומע תפילה only helps like any other request as Tosfos Berachot 29a says.  Hence, if ותן טל ומתר was omitted, it is not enough to return to שומע תפילה, but one must return to its place in the prayer, at ברכת השנים.  That is why the Rambam rules not the Yerushalmi, because the Bavli disagrees.

Asking For Forgiveness

The Rambam Chovel U'mazzik (5:9) אֵינוֹ דּוֹמֶה מַזִּיק חֲבֵרוֹ בְּגוּפוֹ לְמַזִּיק מָמוֹנוֹ. שֶׁהַמַּזִּיק מָמוֹן חֲבֵרוֹ כֵּיוָן שֶׁשִּׁלֵּם מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לְשַׁלֵּם נִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ. אֲבָל חָבַל בַּחֲבֵרוֹ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁנָּתַן לוֹ חֲמִשָּׁה דְּבָרִים אֵין מִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ. וַאֲפִלּוּ הִקְרִיב כָּל אֵילֵי נְבָיוֹת אֵינוֹ מִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ וְלֹא נִמְחַל עֲוֹנוֹ עַד שֶׁיְּבַקֵּשׁ מִן הַנֶּחְבָּל וְיִמְחל לוֹ:  The Lechem Mishna asks this contradicts what the Rambam writes in Teshuvah (2:9)  that it is not enough to return the stolen goods but one must appease the wronged party as well?  The Kesef Mishne Laws of Teshuva  points to two sources for the Rambam.  One is the Mishne Bava Kammah (92a)  אע"פ שהוא נותן לו אין נמחל לו עד שיבקש ממנו שנאמר (בראשית כ, ז) ועתה השב אשת וגו'.  The second is the Gemorah Yoma (85b) דרש ר' אלעזר בן עזריה (ויקרא טז, ל) מכל חטאתיכם לפני ה' תטהרו עבירות שבין אדם למקום יוה"כ מכפר עבירות שבין אדם לחבירו אין יוה"כ מכפר עד שירצה את חבירו.  Why do we need two sources for this halacha? 

Rav Eliyahu Baruch explains we see in the Rambam there are two dinim in asking for forgiveness.  One is a din in teshuva, the limud in Yoma tells us that one's teshuva is not complete until they appease the wronged.  In Bava Kammah, as the name of the tractate indicates, it is a law in damages.  When it comes to paying for damage goods, the obligation is to reimburse the one damaged.  For that one does not need to ask for forgiveness.  However, is one causes bodily harm to another individual, no payment can fully make that up.  That is what the Mishna in B.K. sees from the story of Avimelech.  He was a gentile, not commanded in teshuva, his request for michela is a choval u'mazzik law, in order to compensate for causing damage to another person, appeasement is required.  That is why the Rambam limits this law to causing bodily pain for causing monetary damage it suffices to merely repay for the damage.  With this we can understand other differences in the Rambam in the two laws.  In Teshuva he writes, צָרִיךְ לְפַיְּסוֹ וְלִפְגֹּעַ בּוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ. לֹא רָצָה חֲבֵרוֹ לִמְחל לוֹ מֵבִיא לוֹ שׁוּרָה שֶׁל שְׁלֹשָׁה בְּנֵי אָדָם מֵרֵעָיו וּפוֹגְעִין בּוֹ וּמְבַקְּשִׁין מִמֶּנּוּ. לֹא נִתְרַצָּה לָהֶן מֵבִיא לוֹ שְׁנִיָּה וּשְׁלִישִׁית. לֹא רָצָה מְנִיחוֹ וְהוֹלֵךְ לוֹ וְזֶה שֶׁלֹּא מָחַל הוּא הַחוֹטֵא.  Why does he add פיוס ורצוי ןמ the Laws of Teshuva but not in the Laws of Chovel U'mazzik?  Furthermore, why does he mention 3 times is the charm in the Laws of Teshuva but in Choval he indicates you must receive mechilah?  Because in Chovel, the point is to receive the pardon of the damaged for the damage caused, for that it is enough to receive a pardon.  On the other hand, if a pardon is not received, there still is a monetary obligation upon you.  For teshuva, more than a pardon is necessary, you must appease him.  On the other hand, once you did your obligation to attempt to do teshuva, 3 times, more is not required. 

The end of the Mishna in Bava Kammah says ומנין שאם לא מחל לו שהוא אכזרי שנאמר (בראשית כ, יז) ויתפלל אברהם אל האלהים וירפא אלהים את אבימלך וגו'.  The Rambam cites this halacha in three places.  In the Laws of Deot (6:6) he says וְאִם חָזַר וּבִקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ לִמְחֹל לוֹ צָרִיךְ לִמְחֹל. וְלֹא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (בראשית כ יז) "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל האלקים.  In Teshuva (2:10) he adds that there is an issur not to be mochel.  אָסוּר לָאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיֵּס אֶלָּא יְהֵא נוֹחַ לִרְצוֹת וְקָשֶׁה לִכְעֹס וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹטֵא לִמְחל מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה.  In Chovel (5:10) he adds details for when one should be mochel, וְאָסוּר לַנֶּחְבָּל לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִמְחל אֵין זוֹ דֶּרֶךְ זֶרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶלָּא כֵּיוָן שֶׁבִּקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹבֵל וְנִתְחַנֵּן לוֹ פַּעַם רִאשׁוֹנָה וּשְׁנִיָּה וְיָדַע שֶׁהוּא שָׁב מֵחֶטְאוֹ וְנִחָם עַל רָעָתוֹ יִמְחל לוֹ. וְכָל הַמְמַהֵר לִמְחל הֲרֵי הוּא מְשֻׁבָּח וְרוּחַ חֲכָמִים נוֹחָה הֵימֶנּוּ:  Why does he add that here?  The Rebbe (Likutay Sichos volume 28 Chukas sicha 2) explains that it depends who the focus is on.  In Deot, the focus is on the person doing the mechilah, his deot.  From that perspective, one should grant mechilah once it is asked for and not be cruel to hold out for a more serious expression of regret.  In Choval, the focus is on the one who caused the damage.  One should grant mechilah to that person only after he has seriously fulfilled his obligation of seriously asking for a pardon in order to ascertain the damager fulfilled their obligation of asking for a pardon. In Teshuvah, the focus is on the appeasement of the damager to the one damaged for that is his obligation in teshuvah, he must appease the damaged party and hence he says when he has been appeased, it is forbidden for the damaged party to be cruel and withhold forgiveness.

Thursday, November 5, 2020

Find Your Place

After sinning Adam is banished from Gan Eden.  After Cain kills Abel, he is told נע ונד תהיה בארץ.  One who kills by accident must go to גלות and of course we are still in what we call the golut.  The common theme is that all we see the punishment/ atonement for sin requires exile.  Why is exile necessary because of sin? 

The Sfas Emes Massey (5634) says כמ"ש אא"ז מו"ר ז"ל על מ"ש בצרה תקלוט כבצר כי השי"ת נתן ערי מקלט למי שיודע שאין לו מקום ע"י שנזדמן לו חטא גדול כזה להרוג נפש. וזה עצמו נותן לו מקום שהשי"ת נותן מקום למי שאין לו אבל כשסומך עצמו על זה המקום אינו נותן לו כו' ודפח"ח. נמצא כי עיקר מקומו מה שיודע שאין לו מקום. וזה עצמו תיקון החטא כפי מה שהוא מתחרט לפני השי"ת ואינו מוצא לו מקום כמו כן חטא שלו ומלאך המשחית אינו מוצא לו מקום והשי"ת נותן לכולם מקום וז"ש יורה חטאים כו'. ובס' תומר דבורה מהרב הרמ"ק כתב שזה חסד גדול מהשי"ת שנותן מקום להמשחית שבא ע"י חטא האדם כו' ע"ש:

The Gemorah in Makkot (12a) says אמר ריש לקיש שלש טעיות עתיד שרו של רומי לטעות דכתיב (ישעיהו סג, א) מי זה בא מאדום חמוץ בגדים מבצרה טועה שאינה קולטת אלא בצר וכו.  What does this mean, how can an angel make such a mistake?  The Sfas Emes Vayeshev (5664) explains the difference is if it is a description of the city or the name of it.  בצר is a description, it means a walled city.  בצרה  is the name of the city, but not necessarily descriptive.  It is only when a person recognizes that they don't have a place, that they have lost their way, that Hashem protects over them and protects them.  When a person relies on the protection of the city itself, when the city becomes just a name, בצרה, but loses the point, then it does not save them. 

This may be alluded to in the teaching of Chazal Berachot (6b) about the importance of being קובע מקום לתפילתו.  The true מקום of a person, their castle, must be in their prayers to G-d, in their connection with Hashem.  

The Gemorah Yoma (28b)  says אמר (רב) ואיתימא רב אשי קיים אברהם אבינו אפילו עירובי תבשילין.  Some have the girsa עירוב תחומין.  The Pnei Menachem explains that Shabbos has boundaries as well, it is also a "place" where a sinner can seek refuge.  Shabbos is a day when we can pause and focus on מקומו של עולם.  That is the nature of the boundaries of Shabbos.  It is a day to be יושב במקדש כל היום (see Rambam Kli Mikdash (5:7.))  To remove one's self from the reliance on their safe haven and confine in Hashem.

Tuesday, November 3, 2020

Teaching Seder

From the sefer לפרקים - writings from Rav Yechiel Yaakov Weinberg




















For anything to become part of a person's natural way of life, seder is required.