Continuous Building

 Spoke at a sheva berachat for a minute and a half.  

There is a question in poskim as to if there should be a beracha on שהחיינו upon marriage based upon the fact that a) it is the first time one is doing a mitzvah which may warrant a שהחיינו and b) it should be no words than new כלים that one says a שהחיינו upon.  There are various answers given as to why common practice is to not say a שהחיינו.  There is an article from Rabbi Itamar Rosensweig in which he develops the idea in halachik grounds that the act marriage is not the completion of the relationship process but it is continued through the ביאה ראשונה and having children.  He says that שהחיינו is said on achieving a certain level of completion which can not claim is fulfilled in the middle of the process.  He cites the ר"י בר יקר that the idea of שהחיינו has its basis in Hashem's creation of the world ויברך אלקים את יום השביעי ,on the completion of creation a beracha is said.  So too, one says שהחיינו on a completion of a mitzvah and here the mitzvah is ongoing.  

The idea here (outside of halachik analysis,) is that marriage is an ongoing process.  Just because a couple set foot under the chuppah does not mean they are finished with a mitzvah, on the contrary, they are just beginning. 

The Orchos Chayim (cited in ibid,) says first we say a beracha משמח חתן וכלה and after that משמח חתן אם הכלה since the first beracha is for them to lead a successful life and the next beracha is that that they should be happy together, אם, together with each other.  This is not accomplished under the chuppah but is something that must be worked on together. 

20 Years Of Adjustment

The Yerushalmi Bikkurim (3:3, 11b in the Vilna edition for those that didn't decide to change the pagination to fit their needs,) derives from Esav's marriage to מחלת from the word מחול that a chatan's sins are forgiven (see Torah Temima's explanation of the derash.)  The Midrash says Esav was מגייר and therefore obtained forgiveness.  The Mahari Basan (Lalchmay Todah siman 5) cited by Gilyonai Hashas Shabbat (89b) says that just as there is no punishment from shamayim until a person is 20 years old, so too a chatan who is likened to a ger who is likened to a newborn child, is given a 20-year pass from the time one gets married.  This is quite incredulous to say one can get married and have a 20-year pass.  Nonetheless, it could be that is what he holds.

In light of the opinion of the Gra about punishments from shamayim under 20 it is maybe more understandable.  The Gra (Even Shlema 10:26) says punishment isn't meted out until 20 years but from 20, one is held accountable for what they did in the past.  In other words, it takes 20 years for a person to develop enough to realize the errors of their past and they are expected to do teshuva during that time.  if one doesn't repent, then they're held culpable retroactively.  So too, says the Mari Basan, it takes 20 years for a person to fully adjust to one's new married life and therefore one is given 20 years to fix the problems that he causes in that timeframe.  We see that it takes 20 years to adjust to being married, ודו"ק.

A Journey, 7 And An Oath

I said this at a sheva berachot of my cousin this week.  

The Midrash (Bamidbar Rabbah 11:2) says אָמַר רַבִּי פִּינְחָס בֶּן יָאִיר שֶׁבַע בְּרָכוֹת בֵּרַךְ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֶת אַבְרָהָם, וְאֵלּוּ הֵן: וְאֶעֶשְׂךָ לְגוֹי גָּדוֹל (בראשית יב, ב): וַאֲבָרֶכְךָ (בראשית יב, ב): וַאֲגַדְלָה שְׁמֶךָ (בראשית יב, ב): וֶהְיֵה בְּרָכָה (בראשית יב, ג): וַאֲבָרְכָה מְבָרְכֶיךָ (בראשית יב, ג): וּמְקַלֶּלְךָ אָאֹר (בראשית יב, ג): וְנִבְרְכוּ בְךָ. כְּנֶגֶד שִׁבְעָה פְּסוּקִים שֶׁבְּמַעֲשֵׂה בְרֵאשִׁית שֶׁכָּתוּב בָּהֶן כִּי טוֹב.  What does the כי טוב of Berashit have to do with Avraham?  

 וַיֹּ֤אמֶר י״י֙ אֶל־אַבְרָ֔ם לֶךְ־לְךָ֛ מֵאַרְצְךָ֥ וּמִמּֽוֹלַדְתְּךָ֖ וּמִבֵּ֣ית אָבִ֑יךָ אֶל־הָאָ֖רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֥ר אַרְאֶֽךָּ.  The question is, the possuk is out of order, it should have first said בית אביך and end with ארצך because one first leave's their father's house and ends up with leaving the entire country?  The Chassideshe seforim explain that Avraham wasn't just instructed to physically leave his father's country, Avraham is being instructed to leave the ideology of where he came from behind.  The ideology, the spiritual trappings and mindset of a idolator has to be left behind and Avram was to become Avraham, the founder of the Jewish nation.  This transformation doesn't happen merely by taking steps but is a mental process that one goes through.  That process started by Avraham leaving behind the ideology of the general country and continued until he diverged himself of the  false believes of his father.  

Avraham's leaving of Charan going to Eretz Yisrael was his berashit.  It was not just a journey of space but a mental odyssey to transform himself.  There was a לֶךְ to לְךָ֛, for Avraham to discover his inner being.  This was Avraham's berashit, his beginning of creating Klal Yisrael.  That is why the 7 berachot parallel the seven times of כי טוב in Berashit. 

But why 7 berachot, why does he need 7 berachot specifically?  

The Gemarah Niddah (30b) says before the soul comes into the world משביעין אותו תהי צדיק ואל תהי רשע.  What is the point of this oath if no one remembers it and one is given free reign to ignore it?  The Tzemach Tzedek explains that the word שבועה has the root of שבע, satiated, for taking an oath fills one up with power to overcome difficulties.  It helps bring to the forefront dormant abilities within a person as one is deeply committed to the cause so much so they have made an oath to fulfill it.  The challenges of the world are so great that the soul needs the push of the שבועה to help one overcome the challenges thrown at a person.  Similarly, the word for the number 7, שבע is the same root.  As is well known form the Maharal, 7 is the completion of טבע.  It is the full power, the complete satiation of טבע.  The 7 berachot given to Avraham were to give him the push, to give him the ability to bring to the forefront all in his capabilities to stand up to the challenge of being העברי, on the other side of the pressing issues of the day.  It was a slight aid to push Avraham over the edge to be successful in his mission.

The Voices

While I was sitting at davening at a shabbat hatan this week a thought jumbled of previous ideas jumped into my head.  The Gemorah in Berachot 6b says  אמר רבי חלבו אמר רב הונא: כל הנהנה מסעודת חתן ואינו משמחו עובר בחמישה קולות, שנאמר: קול ששון וקול שמחה קול חתן וקול כלה קול אומרים הודו את ה' צבאות. ואם משמחו מה שכרו?  אמר רבי יהושע בן לוי: זוכה לתורה שנתנה בחמישה קולות וכו.  Why is there a connection between being משמח the hatan and kallah and Torah?  What is the significance of the קול and specifically 5 קולות?  The Maharal often writes that the complete square has 4 sides, the number 4 represents the completion of this world.  The number 5 is the inner core, the inside of the box.  In the kabbalistic jargon, the mitzvot are אור מקיף and Torah is אור פנימי.  It is Torah that Chazal refer to as bread that enters the blood stream of a person.  That is because it is through learning Torah that a person's mind becomes intertwined with the שכל אלקי present in the Torah.  It is the greatest connection one can have to Hashem (see Tanya Ch. 4-5.)  It is this internal connection that is represented by the number 5. The deepest relationship in this world, what Chazal and especially in the kabbilistic literature use as the mashal for the relationship between Klal Yisroel and Hashem is that of a hatan and kallah.  The connection of האי ארעא that is representative of the connection between Hashem and our neshama is that of the hatan and kallah.  One who is משמח the hatan and kallah, one who is able to appreciate this connection, is a siman that their neshama is able to be connected to Hashem via His Torah.  

A קול is a voice without any words, it is just a sound.  The siman to know if a person is really in tune with someone else is if they can understand the קול alone without words.  For the hatan and kallah that deeply understand each other there is no need for words, the קול itself is enough.  This is the idea of blowing shofar.  As the Briskor Rav explains, discussed here, the shofar is a form of prayer.  What's the point of this form of prayer, just say some more words?  Because when the neshama has the longing for Hashem that it feels on Rosh Hashana, it can't be expressed in words, in can only be expressed through a simple קול.  It is an expression of the soul that can't be limited by words.