All Depends On Desire

 The screen shot is from Emrei Chayim of Rav Chayim Kamil on Bamidbar.  A person's ability to succeed, to be able to acquire Torah depends on how muh desire there is to acquire it.  

From the Mir parsha sheet from Harav Hagaon Shmuel Wolman Shlita

"After Klal Yisrael began their eager counting toward Mattan Torah, we find that they experienced a yeridah, in Refidim, after which Amalek attacked them. Rashi explains that the name Refidim alludes to a weakening in Torah: רפו ידיהם מן התורה. This is baffling. How could they have weakened in Torah when they had not even received the Torah yet?

In the Mir yeshiva we are trained to notice every letter of Rashi. Rashi, in Yechezkel (20:13), adds an entire word that does not appear in Parashas Beshalach: נסו אותי בעגל וברפידים מלקבל את התורה והותירו מן המן. The weakening in Refidim, he is telling us, was not a weakening of Torah observance, or Torah learning, but rather in Kabbalas HaTorah.

What does that mean? How could there be a weakening in Kabbalas HaTorah before they even got the Torah?  I think we can answer based upon the essence of the sefiras ha’omer period. Klal Yisrael had to go through forty-nine days of avodah before receiving the Torah, and that avodah was to await and yearn and beg for Torah, as the Shibbolei Haleket describes. In Refidim, that longing abated.

The Yalkut Meam Loez cites an ancient source that explains the words רפו ידיהם מן התורה to mean that they weren’t begging for Torah the same way they begged for water and bread. That was the weakening in their appreciation and longing for Torah.

When that feeling is lost, when there’s an אֲשֶׁר קָרְךָ בַּדֶּרֶךְ, Amalek appears. Later on, at the time of Purim, when Amalek reappeared in the form of Haman, the remedy was הדר קבלוה מאהבה. Only by reclaiming the love and appreciation for Torah can Klal Yisrael triumph over Amalek. No wonder, then, that Haman was hanged on the sixteenth day of Nissan, as Rashi notes in Megillah – the very same day that Klal Yisrael first began to express their longing for Torah.

As I share these thoughts, I am reminded of my first Shavuos in Mir yeshiva. Everyone gathered together in the front of the beis midrash to hear the rosh yeshiva R’ Nosson Tzvi zt”l, who went up to the amud and began his special Shavuos shmuess. We all strained to hear what he was saying, but it was nearly impossible – it was Yom Tov, and he couldn’t use a microphone. We may not have heard what he said, but one thing we did get – we saw the happiest man in the world, who just wanted to share his simchas haTorah with his audience. It was reminiscent of Mattan Torah, when we were רואים את הקולות.

I noticed that in the back of the beis midrash, near the door, a Reb Ahrele chassid was standing with his children listening to the shmuess. I found the sight highly incongruous: he should have been with his rebbe in Toldos Aharon – what was he doing in a Litvishe beis midrash? Unable to contain my curiosity, I approached him after the shmuess and asked him why he had come.  “I wouldn’t miss this for anything!” he replied. “I come here every year to hear the rosh yeshiva’s shmuess.”  “Reb Yid,” I responded, “did you hear anything he said? You were in the back of the beis midrash!”  “I didn’t hear one word,” he said, “but my hachanah for Yom Tov, and the hachanah that I want my children to see, is a Yid like this. You don’t have to hear anything, all you have to do is see his simchah. It’s the simchah of someone who’s marrying off his only daughter. And the rosh yeshiva’s only daughter is the Torah.”  That longing and craving for Torah is what we saw in the Mir yeshiva.

We still have to understand, however, why this hachanah of longing and anticipation for Mattan Torah is so important. Why does Shavuos require this preparation? Why do we have to crave Torah – why can’t we just get it?

The Baal Ha’akeidah, in Parashas Emor, explains that the Torah doesn’t work that way – you can’t just “get” it. The Mishnah in Avos says: והוי שותה בצמא את דבריהם, indicating that thirst for Torah is not merely a nice additive or bonus – it’s a critical prerequisite. If we don’t long for Torah, says the Baal Ha’akeidah, we can’t acquire it. And the purpose of the sefiras ha’omer period is to create that yearning.

Torah is not like other bodies of knowledge – it’s the Eibishter’s chochmah, and al pi teva it’s truly beyond our ability, as humans, to grasp. We acquire Torah as a gift from the Eibishter – but He has a condition for giving this gift:אין הקדוש ברוך הוא נותן חכמה אלא למי שיש בו חכמה שנאמר יהב חכמתא לחכימין.

Rav Chaim Volozhiner wonders: If only the wise can acquire Torah wisdom, how can someone ever become wise? Where is the starting point of Torah wisdom?  The answer seems to lie in Rabbeinu Yonah’s statement, in Avos, that the title “chacham” refers not to someone who possesses chochmah, but to someone who appreciates chochmah. Accordingly, in order to be worthy of the title “chacham,” we need to develop an appreciation for Torah and internalize the value of chochmas haTorah. Only then can we can be zocheh to the gift of יהב חכמתא לחכימין. This is what we are trying to achieve during sefiras ha’omer."