Self, Non-Self

 קטנתי מכל החסדים ומכל האמת אשר עשית את עבדך

The Gra (cited in Pardes Yosef) says this is the 8^th possuk in the 8^th parsha and that is where Chazal see to say a talmud chacham should have an eighth of an eighth of haughtiness (Sotah 5a.) The question is that this possuk seems to be the opposite of haughtiness, Yakaov is saying how small he is?  The Gemarah in Sotah is difficult for the Gemarah says haughtiness is a terrible middah and then throws in the statement about a talmud chacham, why is he given an allowance for a bit of haughtiness? The Gemarah compares this bit of haughtiness to the crown of the bristle-like growth on the top of the husk. What is the meaning of this comparison? 

The Midrash says קָטֹנְתִּי מִכָּל הַחֲסָדִים א"ר אבא ב"כ איני כדאי ר' לוי אמר כדאי אני. How can there be an opinion כדאי אני if this is the ultimate statement of humbleness on the part of Yaakov? 

Sfas Emes (5648) אך עי"ז עצמו שקטנתי. עי"ז כדאי אני. ואם אמנם לעיני בשר האומר קטנתי נראה כי הוא מתגאה. אבל מי שאומר לפני הבורא ית' קטנתי הוא שהכיר את עצמו וראה שיודע הוא שכל החסדים ואמת שעשה עמו הבורא ית' אינו בזכותו. ולכן באמת לא יגרע מזכותו כלום. וזה הכלל אם אדם תולה בעצמו נעשה לו באמת בזכות מעשיו.

When Yaakov says קטונתי it means that he felt so small, so nothing, that all he felt was his connection to Hashem. By totally negating himself he was able to say כדאי אני because the אני was not a אני of self merit but rather an אני of the Godliness within himself  being fit for anything. When there is the ultimate self negation that leads one to have a haughtiness, not of self inflation but due to the connection to The Infinite. 

The Alter Rebbe explains that the haughtiness of the talmud chacham is compared to the part of the chaff that guards the wheat for it is only a protective stage that the haughtiness is needed to inspire one to have the ability to increase one's avodah but after one reaches a greater level all haughtiness should be dropped. But as we see from Yaakov Avenu there is a third level of a haughtiness from the feeling of tremendous smallness. This is when haughtiness is desirable. That is why the Gra is pointing to this possuk as explanation of the Gemarah (based upon sicha of Rebbe 5749.) 

The Alter Rebbe after his redemption on 19 Kislev wrote a letter (Igros Kodesh Tanya letter 2) starting with this possuk emphasizing that the more chesed one receives from Hashem, the closer one seems, the more one sees their own smallness. This allows one to push aside their own self and be in tune with the Godliness within themselves.   

In terms of Rambam in Gemerah Sotah, see letter of Rebbe.